Mind of Million Games

It is quite scary when your brain is bombarding your consciousness with all formats of reality so intensely that it is excruciating to even write about.   Sometimes you feel like you are on top of a thousand meter high steel post, high above everything else and it's not the good kind of high, it's the one where you miss being on ground, it's the one where you wish you would've never been.    And to your worst nightmare, you are afraid of heights. Your brain can't calculate distance and time with as much ease as is needed for a reasonable perception. As your inner self tries to torment your body and let just gravity take over,  the sensible mind tries to resist this sensation but then you hear something. And you look around to see a thunderstorm lurking towards you pounding billion watts of naked electric wrath on everything in its way. You bite nails, you ruthlessly chew off your cuticles leaving a thin stream of blood in its place, a weird sensation emanates in the middle of your front lower teeth, you rub the bottom of your nose for no good reason, the veins in your forehead seemingly expand and retract, an aura of unperceptive lights as if they peeked in from a parallel world captures your eyesight and then you look down and there are no stairs.   In fact, now the ground is boiling, fire and red hot steam pounce up at you and you are simply stuck in the middle.

Then you hear something again but this is reassuring kind of a tone.  A voice that is so low in pitch yet so distinct you can hear it from deep within you and you listen.  You listen like a child suddenly oblivious to the chaos around it.   Deep within you a world resides.  A world of happiness, satisfaction, love, romance, family, relationships, luxury, pleasures but above all calmness.  The obliterating chaos crawls its way towards you from all dimensions but it is muted not because it has gone silent but because the voice you hear is overwhelming.  The  lyrics of life it emanates are full of such insightful meanings that the insidious chaos is a mute film.  A horrifying scene but all of a sudden, to our utmost irony, hapless as well.  And suddenly you realize you are calming down, the ground is cooling down, the thunderstorm is alleviating and no longer eating everything in its path, bolting some, leaving some and then THE WORLD appears right in front of you as if you were frozen and the space just shifted around you.  You feel relieved that you are back.  But you are still so high off the ground, you are still buffeted by rib shattering gusts, haunted by vultures shrieking around you and waiting for you to drop and die so they can scavenge, the metal beneath your feet is cold and unforgiving and the sky above you seems so close.  But at least all this is earthly, recognizable and calculable. Those distinct voices have now dissipated in all directions as to form a more decipherable and less over whelming melody, a melody you are familiar with, a melody you perhaps love.

Looking around, you try to make sense of everything that just happened with you and then something sensational hits your consciousness.  The metal beneath you is gone, the mile high post you dangled onto has gone but you are not falling down. Rather, you waft like a feather in a free fall.  And then the chattering of the birds, the honking of the cars and then an intone of human communication.    You are coming back.  And coming in ecstasy.  And then you look up, you look around, you think just for a second, you let your mind focus and you realize the chaos was part of you and the return was as well.